The other side

 Losing a child to death brings a myriad of emotions ...     

all complicated ... all different ... all difficult.

silent Grief speaks today about ...hard ... 

It's so hard to explain to others what it is like to lose a child. The other side of the coin is that it's impossible to explain what it feels like to lose a child. You have to live through it to understand and NOBODY would ever wish that kind of pain on anyone. So, we struggle daily with this journey and hope and pray we will meet those people who can help us along the way!

Father, Yahweh, I pray today for Silent Grief, and all who have lost a child. or a loved one.  I pray that You will hold them as close to Your heart as You hold the child they love and lost.

Father, bless them today.

xtnyoda, shalomed

There is always the thought

Losing a child to death brings a myriad of emotions ...     

all complicated ... all different ... all difficult.

silent Grief speaks today about ... the thought ... 

Wherever we go, whatever we're doing, whoever is in our presence, there is always the thought of our child who has gone on before us imprinted in the center of every thought and the love for our child remains alive in the very core of our heart. Will we ever "move on and put this in the past"? NEVER! Why would we want to? This child of ours is our child forever and always! We have not "lost a child" -- we have a child who is no longer with us in the physical form, but our child lives on in us forever! And, oh how we miss the presence of our sweet child!!!

Father, Yahweh, I pray today for Silent Grief, and all who have lost a child. or a loved one.  I pray that You will hold them as close to Your heart as You hold the child they love and lost.

Father, bless them today.

xtnyoda, shalomed
 

Get over it

Losing a child to death brings a myriad of emotions ...     

all complicated ... all different ... all difficult.

Wendy speaks today about ... comments ...

The worst comment someone ever made to me was, “Get over it, you have to let go and stop making yourself sick!”
Wendy


Father, Yahweh, I pray today for Wendy, and all who have lost a child. or a loved one.  I pray that You will hold them as close to Your heart as You hold the child they love and lost.

Father, bless them today.

xtnyoda, shalomed

Just your step-son

 Losing a child to death brings a myriad of emotions ...     

all complicated ... all different ... all difficult.

Judy speaks today about ... years ...

"He was just your step-son, it will be easier for you"  He was just my "step son" for almost 20 years. Somebody tell that to my heart and maybe it'll work. I don't think so.
Judy

Father, Yahweh, I pray today for Judy, and all who have lost a child. or a loved one.  I pray that You will hold them as close to Your heart as You hold the child they love and lost.

Father, bless them today.

xtnyoda, shalomed

My child is not here

Losing a child to death brings a myriad of emotions ...     

all complicated ... all different ... all difficult.

Silent Grief speaks today about ... absence ... 

No matter where we are or what we're doing, there is always one thought that is prominent in our minds: My child is not here. That thought can never be erased. It is part of our soul. One day maybe people will understand that it's a total impossibility for us to "get over it", "put this in the past", "stop dwelling on your loss", etc. Yes, we can move forward, but we can never forget. When there is an aching in your soul and a hole in your heart, there is always a part of you that is fully aware that "my child is gone." Once child loss occurs, we are never complete again. Nothing or no one can fill the place our child had in our heart!

Father, Yahweh, I pray today for Silent Grief, and all who have lost a child. or a loved one.  I pray that You will hold them as close to Your heart as You hold the child they love and lost.

Father, bless them today.

xtnyoda, shalomed

ALL of our children

Losing a child to death brings a myriad of emotions ...     

all complicated ... all different ... all difficult.

Silent Grief speaks today about ... numbers ...

"How many children do you have?" often becomes a question parents of child loss find so difficult to answer. Why? We know how many children we have, but when we mention our "child who is in heaven" people get squeamish, act uncomfortable, and so many times we only mention our living children in order to avoid explaining child loss to others. Then, guilt sets in because we didn't mention ALL of our children. When will society become more aware of how important it is for parents to talk openly and freely about child loss?

Father, Yahweh, I pray today for Silent Grief, and all who have lost a child. or a loved one.  I pray that You will hold them as close to Your heart as You hold the child they love and lost.

Father, bless them today.

xtnyoda, shalomed

Accusations

Losing a child to death brings a myriad of emotions ...     

all complicated ... all different ... all difficult.

Susan speaks today about ... brutal words ...

I had much the same but brutal ...like  “you profess to believe in God ... think of all the mothers who lost their kids in war!” AND my brother saying (and he had no reason to) “you have to confront your own guilt in Jim's passing.” I wrote back, “I caused an ulcer?” and blocked him. Turned off the pc.  It was like something evil to me.  We all feel guilty after our children pass, whether warranted or not ... but this? He is still convinced he used drugs! HE DID NOT!
Susan

Father, Yahweh, I pray today for Susan, and all who have lost a child. or a loved one.  I pray that You will hold them as close to Your heart as You hold the child they love and lost.

Father, bless them today.

xtnyoda, shalomed

Sometimes

Losing a child to death brings a myriad of emotions ...     

all complicated ... all different ... all difficult.

Silent Grief speaks today about ... sometimes ...

Sometimes there really are no words that will help a parent who is grieving the loss of a child. The pain runs so deep that it cuts through to the center of the heart. Those are the times when a warm hug is needed along with listening ears. So many people try to "hush" a parent of child loss, but the truth is they need to tell their story and tell it often. They need to use their child's name often. They need to be able to express their feelings. Friends with listening ears are always needed and welcome!

Father, Yahweh, I pray today for Silent Grief, and all who have lost a child. or a loved one.  I pray that You will hold them as close to Your heart as You hold the child they love and lost.

Father, bless them today.

xtnyoda, shalomed

Hope

Losing a child to death brings a myriad of emotions ...     

all complicated ... all different ... all difficult.

Silent Grief speaks today about ... hoping ...

Hope. That's the one thing we need when our child dies. Hope that every day won't feel dark and lonely. Hope that someday we will see our child again. Hope that others around us will share in our sorrow and help lift our pain. Hope that others will not have to suffer this same kind of pain of child loss. Hope that tomorrow will be a better day than today. Hope that there will be a day when we remember our child's life more vividly than our child's death. "Hope, please come visit us today" is the cry of every parent whose heart has been broken by the loss of a child.

Father, Yahweh, I pray today for Silent Grief, and all who have lost a child. or a loved one.  I pray that You will hold them as close to Your heart as You hold the child they love and lost.

Father, bless them today.

xtnyoda, shalomed

It just is

 Losing a child to death brings a myriad of emotions ...     

all complicated ... all different ... all difficult.

Carolyn speaks today about ... platitudes ...

I suppose the well-meaning platitudes constitute advice, and I can see here we have all heard them. He's in a better place, it was all part of God's plan, he's not really dead he is alive and with God. Well, sorry, let's see God take your child to a "better place" as part of His plan and have YOUR child alive and with God and not on Earth and then come back and talk to me. From where I sit I can't see how any place could be a better place for him than here with his mother, isn't that why God entrusted him to me, and if this is God's plan I am afraid I don't think it's such a great one, and maybe my son is alive and with God, I hope he is, but I'd really prefer him to be here with me for a while and if he can't be I just wish he could send me a message to tell me he is, indeed, okay.

But the two that made me the angriest was a man that told me I was much better off because I know my son is with God whereas he was estranged from his daughter, and another man who told me he understood my pain because he is divorced and he only gets to see his son every couple of weeks. While I do understand the pain of each, can people really be so moronic as to think I wouldn't prefer my son to be alive, even if we are estranged, or that I wouldn't give anything and everything just to see my son one more time, let alone every two weeks? I lost it with these two people.

While it's probably good advice, it really ticked me off when a friend told me not to get stuck in my grief (I think I've even seen that term used here). She thinks I really should be over it by now. I hate that term. I am not stuck in this grief like it's something I can drag myself out of and move on. This grief is now my relationship with my son, I can't honestly ever see myself thinking of him with only joy, although he was my joy, because I'll obviously never be able to think of him without feeling the pain of his not being here. This grief is not something I am stuck it, it just is.
Carolyn


Father, Yahweh, I pray today for Carolyn, and all who have lost a child. or a loved one.  I pray that You will hold them as close to Your heart as You hold the child they love and lost.

Father, bless them today.

xtnyoda, shalomed

I can relate

Losing a child to death brings a myriad of emotions ...     

all complicated ... all different ... all difficult.

Deb speaks today about ... an untimely matter ...

"I can relate to the job thing, 5 days after my son was killed my boss fired me for not being able to return in a timely manner.  And...I too now have a boss with my empathy and gives me an annual "Grief" day (or any others I need)"
Deb

Father, Yahweh, I pray today for Deb, and all who have lost a child. or a loved one.  I pray that You will hold them as close to Your heart as You hold the child they love and lost.

Father, bless them today.

xtnyoda, shalomed

This kind of pain

Losing a child to death brings a myriad of emotions ...     

all complicated ... all different ... all difficult.

Connie speaks today about ... the pain ...

“Too many to name!  People have NO clue until they experience it... and I don't wish this kind of pain on anyone!  I have lost the majority of my immediate family (my oldest brother, my youngest brother, my father and my mother is presently dying a slow and horrible death).”
Connie

Father, Yahweh, I pray today for Connie, and all who have lost a child. or a loved one.  I pray that You will hold them as close to Your heart as You hold the child they love and lost.

Father, bless them today.

xtnyoda, shalomed

Another minute

 Losing a child to death brings a myriad of emotions ...      

all complicated ... all different ... all difficult.

Silent Grief speaks today about ... days ...  

Sometimes the "I miss my child so bad I could die" part of the grief from child loss gets to a point where we think we can't make it another minute! It's hard to explain to others who can see their children every day or who can pick up the phone and immediately hear their child's voice. Every bereaved parent travels through that long tunnel of reality when it finally becomes reality that we will never see or hear our child's voice again and a panic sets it. It sends us spinning into a cycle of fear and pain that is impossible to explain. To have had a precious one in our lives -- a person we loved with all of our heart -- taken away forever is like being punched in the heart full force and then left with a hole that will not heal. Child loss is a forever, persistent pain that is impossible to explain.

Father, Yahweh, I pray today for Silent Grief, and all who have lost a child. or a grandchild.  I pray that You will hold them as close to Your heart as You hold the child they love and lost.

Father, bless them today.

xtnyoda, shalomed

advice

Losing a child to death brings a myriad of emotions ...      

all complicated ... all different ... all difficult.

Silent Grief speaks today about ... advice ...  

Other people love to give advice to those grieving the loss of a child. They tell us how long to grieve, they tell us how to grieve, they tell us when to get moving again, they tell us how to build a new life, etc. The problem with all of this is, there is no magic formula of "one size fits all" when it comes to child loss. Everybody grieves the loss of his/her child in their own personal way. And, there is no right or wrong way to grieve.

Others need to respect that fact and know that we're doing the very best we can under circumstances that are the most difficult anyone will endure. To be a friend to someone who is grieving the loss of a child simply means "being there and offering a listening ear."

God bless all who do just that -- stand by our sides and listen!

Father, Yahweh, I pray today for Silent Grief, and all who have lost a child. or a grandchild.  I pray that You will hold them as close to Your heart as You hold the child they love and lost.

Father, bless them today.

xtnyoda, shalomed

shattered ... weary ... confused ....

Losing a child to death brings a myriad of emotions ...      

all complicated ... all different ... all difficult.

Silent Grief speaks today about ... confusion ...  

When a child dies part of us dies, too. Children are "life", and they are our future as well as our present. When we lose a child so many of our hopes and dreams die and we are left wondering how to pick up the broken pieces and rebuild some kind of life that has meaning. It's not easy -- not one little bit of it! It can take years to gather up enough strength to look to the future with new hopes and dreams. And, sometimes, that never happens.

That's just what losing a child does to a person's heart -- we are left shattered and weary and confused.

May today be a more calm day in the journey of child loss for all who are traveling this harsh, unknown path!

Father, Yahweh, I pray today for Silent Grief, and all who have lost a child. or a grandchild.  I pray that You will hold them as close to Your heart as You hold the child they love and lost.

Father, bless them today.

xtnyoda, shalomed

They just don't know

Losing a child to death brings a myriad of emotions ...      

all complicated ... all different ... all difficult.

Michael speaks today about ... commenting ...  


"Can't even comment....but it's like we have heard all of these things in one form or another...they just don't know!"
Michael


Father, Yahweh, I pray today for Michael, and all who have lost a child. or a grandchild.  I pray that You will hold them as close to Your heart as You hold the child they love and lost.

Father, bless them today.

xtnyoda, shalomed

Unpredictable and frightening

Losing a child to death brings a myriad of emotions ...      

all complicated ... all different ... all difficult.

Silent Grief speaks today about ... wondering ... 

Child loss makes all of life totally unpredictable and frightening. If this horror, this unspeakable tragedy can happen in our lives, what else lies ahead?

Losing a child takes away so much of our trust in the simplicity and joy of life. We are always wondering, "What will happen next?" Our innocence is suddenly stripped away when child loss occurs. We become paranoid in many ways. We no longer believe that bad things happen to bad people. We know first hand that bad things can and do happen to good people, and our hearts break a little bit more each day over the unfairness of life.

Child loss hurts on so many different levels.

Father, Yahweh, I pray today for Silent Grief, and all who have lost a child. or a grandchild.  I pray that You will hold them as close to Your heart as You hold the child they love and lost.

Father, bless them today.

xtnyoda, shalomed

How many children do you have?

Losing a child to death brings a myriad of emotions ...                    

all complicated ... all different ... all difficult.

Silent Grief speaks today about ... numbers ... 

"How many children do you have?" is a question we get asked all of the time. When child loss occurs sometimes we don't know what to say -- not because we don't want to mention our child who is not here with us, but because we don't want to deal with the reaction of others when we tell them. Some parents find it very easy to say, "I have one child in heaven, and two on earth" while others will say, "I have two living children." The bottom line is saying a child died makes it real and sometimes our hearts are just not in a place to deal with that much pain. So, we answer the question of how many children we have according to the situation as well as how strong we're feeling at the moment, and that's fine. There is no right or wrong way in the world of grief. Please don't lay unnecessary guilt on your already broken heart!
 
Father, Yahweh, I pray today for Silent Grief, and all who have lost a child. or a grandchild.  I pray that You will hold them as close to Your heart as You hold the child they love and lost.

Father, bless them today.

xtnyoda, shalomed

A hard weekend

Losing a child to death brings a myriad of emotions ...                   

all complicated ... all different ... all difficult.

Silent Grief speaks today about ... Father's Day weekend ...  

Losing a child brings about so many life-changes! In fact, our lives are never the same and we can't expect them to be. When a child is taken away, our hearts are permanently broken. We look to others for some guidance, for some hope, for some kind of encouragement. Friends often don't understand how much they are needed during our moments of emotional meltdowns and feelings of abandonment. What helps most? A friend who listens to us tell our story over and over again without judgement. A friend who includes our child in conversation. A friend who asks us sincerely how we're feeling and then stays by our side during our hours of falling apart. A friend who won't give up on us. What hurts most? A friend who walks away. This is an especially hard weekend -- Father's Day weekend. Bereaved parents need friends. Now. Today. Everyday. A five minute phone call can help so much by letting us know you care! God bless every family who is feeling the heartbreak of losing a child today!

Father, Yahweh, I pray today for Silent Grief, and all who have lost a child. or a grandchild.  I pray that You will hold them as close to Your heart as You hold the child they love and lost.

Father, bless them today.

xtnyoda, shalomed

Conflicting emotions

Losing a child to death brings a myriad of emotions ...                 

all complicated ... all different ... all difficult.

Silent Grief speaks today about ... holidays ... 

There is always so much advertising and talk about "holiday weekends" -- family picnics, family camping trips, family swimming outings. Family. Family. Family. Which is wonderful -- except when you have a child missing from the family. Just hearing the words "family time" to those who have gone through child loss can bring on tears, panic attacks, anxiety attacks, bad dreams, and mood swings. When there is a child missing from the family, our heart aches to the point of breaking because we miss our child so much! Nothing feels "right or complete" any more. The circle feels broken. There is always that little voice that reminds us, "Your child is gone" and the pain is indescribable. It's so hard to smile and act like everything is okay when inside we feel like we're ready to collapse. There are no words to explain what it feels like to miss your child so much you feel like you're going to explode from holding in the pain! We love our family here on earth so much, but we miss our child so much we want to die so we can be together. It's not easy to live with those two very strong conflicting emotions of love!!!!!

Father, Yahweh, I pray today for Silent Grief, and all who have lost a child. or a grandchild.  I pray that You will hold them as close to Your heart as You hold the child they love and lost.

Father, bless them today.

xtnyoda, shalomed