Saturday, October 19, 2013

It just is

 Losing a child to death brings a myriad of emotions ...     

all complicated ... all different ... all difficult.

Carolyn speaks today about ... platitudes ...

I suppose the well-meaning platitudes constitute advice, and I can see here we have all heard them. He's in a better place, it was all part of God's plan, he's not really dead he is alive and with God. Well, sorry, let's see God take your child to a "better place" as part of His plan and have YOUR child alive and with God and not on Earth and then come back and talk to me. From where I sit I can't see how any place could be a better place for him than here with his mother, isn't that why God entrusted him to me, and if this is God's plan I am afraid I don't think it's such a great one, and maybe my son is alive and with God, I hope he is, but I'd really prefer him to be here with me for a while and if he can't be I just wish he could send me a message to tell me he is, indeed, okay.

But the two that made me the angriest was a man that told me I was much better off because I know my son is with God whereas he was estranged from his daughter, and another man who told me he understood my pain because he is divorced and he only gets to see his son every couple of weeks. While I do understand the pain of each, can people really be so moronic as to think I wouldn't prefer my son to be alive, even if we are estranged, or that I wouldn't give anything and everything just to see my son one more time, let alone every two weeks? I lost it with these two people.

While it's probably good advice, it really ticked me off when a friend told me not to get stuck in my grief (I think I've even seen that term used here). She thinks I really should be over it by now. I hate that term. I am not stuck in this grief like it's something I can drag myself out of and move on. This grief is now my relationship with my son, I can't honestly ever see myself thinking of him with only joy, although he was my joy, because I'll obviously never be able to think of him without feeling the pain of his not being here. This grief is not something I am stuck it, it just is.

Father, Yahweh, I pray today for Carolyn, and all who have lost a child. or a loved one.  I pray that You will hold them as close to Your heart as You hold the child they love and lost.

Father, bless them today.

xtnyoda, shalomed



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