Thursday, September 15, 2011

"I never cry in front of anyone"

Losing a child to death brings a myriad of emotions ... all complicated ... all different ... all difficult.

Lisa speaks today about ... the "loneliness" of grieving ...

"I don't know that I ever received any advice either... I cannot remember.. the days and weeks after are a blur.. I know that it feels like people think that I should be 'over it' -whatever 'it' is... it has been three and a half years today...... I feel like every single day I put on a mask and I don't let anyone see how desperately sad I am.. I cry every single day - alone. I search for advice in others, but even those who are my close friends just act like I should move on.. or they tell me that they think I am handling it so well.. no, I'm not. and telling me that makes me feel like I don't matter- like no one wants to acknowledge my true emotion.. or they want me to be over it so that they don't have to deal with it.. for that reason I make it invisible to everyone except to God and Compassionate Friends... I never cry in front of anyone - mostly because I want my other kids to think that I am being strong... but also because people who have not been here have no good advice... I am and always will be Rebecca's mother... and it hurts."
Father, Yahweh, I pray today for Lisa, and all who have lost a child. I pray that if there are words that we could say that would help .... that You would teach us those words.

xtnyoda, shalomed



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